culpepper park apartments, san myshuno, 2:10pm
eden: so you’re all set for tonight?
tabs: (dispirited) eh, i guess. what’s the point.
eden: ooh that’s not the answer i wanted to hear. still thinking about geriatric bae?
tabs: (sighs) i have not had a solid night’s sleep since he dumped me.
eden: he’s probably sleeping soundly. with his wife.
tabs: (upset) what if that’s the best i’ll ever do? i mean, you’ve seen the dudes i date?
eden: i have, complete horror show. you never want to date the guys i set you up with.
tabs: (exasperated) because you set me up with like, pure freaks.
eden: no i don’t. what about that chef i set you up with, tim?
tabs: tim started crying hysterically after we had sex, eden.
eden: what about eli?
tabs: he took me to an mlm recruitment seminar. i was almost pressured into a life of selling shitty tights for him.
eden: lance?
tabs: i had to bail him out of jail at the end of the night.
eden: ok well, maybe we need to set you up with men in our…immediate circle. how about russ?
tabs: eden he’s just learned to look me in the face. besides, not my type.
eden: (leans forward) how about carson?
tabs: (inhales sharply) i respect carson as a musician but he’s an arrogant prick. besides (trails off) we’ve already..
eden: (pleasantly surprised) OH?!
tabs: (ashamed) yeah, i’m not revisiting that. i think i’m just doomed to be unhappy.
eden: you sound as if you’re being sentenced to jail. i’ve been single for years and i’m fine. look at my skin, clear, no wrinkles, no marks, and i sleep well. you too can be happy without men. get a [REDACTED] and an extension cord and you’re good, babes.
tabs: your skin does look amazing though
eden: i know right?!
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