simerica’s got talent (agency), del sol valley, 3:55pm

**(the following was a casting call for budgie2budgie’s xoxo lee! since it has a sibling of a character, i’m archiving it here)

????: (sighs) did you read the questions the casting director sent you?

connor grunts in acknowledgement

????: ok, let’s begin. QUESTION 1, have you read mr sallinger’s book? and what did you think about it?

connor: (mumbles)i downloaded the audiobook. i’m like half way through it. does that count?

????: (curt) it does not and i’m not replying with that.

connor: just make something up. i pay you so i don’t have to do this—

????: thinking. connor it’s called thinking

connor:(sarcastic) very funny. liza, i promise i’ll finish the book before the actual audition. you know i don’t like reading for pleasure.

liza’s right eye twitches. she inhales sharply and exhales slowly.

liza: (calmly) do you know how hard i had to fight to get your this opportunity? no studio wants to touch you with a ten foot pole. you’re either too simsey or too tainted. listen,  you can’t beg to audition for a role and not…prepare!  i need you to focus!!

connor: (mutters) i’ll finish it today. but, i liked what i HEARD and i hope i’m not doing all my own stunts. his gang got into a lot of fights. the most acting i’ll have to do is playing someone poor and playing a guy that’s also into women. did they cast mona’i yet?

she shakes her head no

connor: hoping she’s not an ex-simsey star. that’d be too weird…

liza sighs and prepares to do what she does best, lie for her clients.

   “i read mr sallinger’s book and was absolutely captivated by lee’s incredible journey. what interested me the most was the double life he lead. on the outside, a rough and tumble biker, on the inside, a lover, a writer, a poet. to bring that to screen would be an honor.

connor: (smirks) see? that english degree isn’t going to waste

liza: (annoyed) moving on…. QUESTION 2: can you ride a motorcycle?

connor: how hard can it be? it’s a bike with like, an engine right?

liza: connor, people die on those things.

connor looks up and frowns

liza: i’ll sign you up for classes and we’ll fast track you on getting a license…

liza looks down at her screen and begins to type

   “yes. my agent’s husband is lending me his bike to help me prepare for this role!“

liza:  next question! QUESTION 3: are you ready to change your appearance to look more like the character?

connor:  i’ll dye my hair. what else? i’m not getting plastic surgery or gaining like, 50 pounds.

liza: you’re gonna need to bulk up. and dial back those bad habits for a bit.

connor winces

liza: weed is ok, but we’ll sign you up for crossfit. try not smoking for a while, ok?

“i am willing to do what is necessary to get this role.”

connor pouts

liza:  we’re almost done. QUESTION 4: are you comfortable being nude in front of cameras?

connor: (worried) do they mean front or back?

liza: well, if you read the book, you’d know the answer to that. you are definitely going to have to show your junk on screen. 

connor: (inhales sharply) if this gets me work in simerica and gets my sister off my back, i’ll show my [redacted] on screen.

liza: (delighted) excellent!

‘i am comfortable with being nude in front of a camera as i fully trust nudity will serve the director’s vision for this film”

connor: (smiles) laying it on a bit thick aren’t we?

liza: you wanna work don’t you? QUESTION 5: name one thing you would bring to the character?

connor: hmm. i got nothing…

liza: try to dig deep. please

connor: (smiles) put something corny like, “heat”

liza rolls her eyes

liza:i’m not putting that!

connor: what? casting directors LOVE that shit! you know i’m right! i’m hot.

liza sighs and prepares to type

“this part would give me an opportunity to flex my acting skills that i never got to use during my time as a simsey star. it would give me an opportunity to play a part with depth and with the type of gravitas it deserves. what i would bring to this character is a fresh but familiar face, plus an unforgettable performance”

liza: how’s that sound?

connor: (smiles broadly) nailed it! we good? i got take this call..

liza: (puzzled) who is more important than me?

connor: (nervous)my sister. i um, guess she got my credit card bill…