the questionable bathroom at pour decisions bar, san myshuno, 11:30pm
elliot: don’t know why you’re surprised. i told you i was coming. i don’t know why he’s here.
carson: (shrugs) i had nothing better to do to be honest.
russ: (annoyed) no i mean here. physically together. in this bathroom.
carson: we knew you were going to run in here after she started talking about the simulation…(eyes narrow) don’t forget to wash your hands.
russ: (annoyed) i’m getting there, god….. i thought you two hated each other.
carson: we do, but your father and i decided to put our differences aside
temporarily
(looks at elliot) and monitor your date.
russ: so, you watched all of that. she’s a lot.
carson: (exhaling sharply) yeah man, that’s an advanced level date. i’m proud of you for sticking it out that long.
russ: yeah like, when she started going down the conspiracy hole about us being sims, i-i had to get up and leave. i’m a lil ssmizzed (young ma voice) but the points she was making…i mean, it’s plausible. all of it. w-what if we all are sims. i-no. (shakes head) wait, no this is real. i’m really drunk. this isn’t a simulation.
carson: (goads russ) well, there was that one time elliot kept washing his dishes in the bathroom sink…
elliot: (snaps) don’t encourage this! (turns to russ) are you planning an exit?
russ: (inebriated) i mean, she’s really fun but this date is so awkward. i don’t know if it’s me or her. she’s kinda off. but i…i dunno, it’s interesting. i mean t-the alcohol helped but that’s not good. like, i can’t do this every time we go out. my liver can’t. tonight? i’m good but tomorrow? i dunno. man. i..i don’t even drink like this. i’m not carson
carson smiles and shrugs
russ: (inebriated rambling) the way she looked at me while showing me youtube videos about simulation theory? those are murder eyes. and y-yeah man, she does look like she could murder me but man…what a way to go. (shakes head) no. no no no no no. like, her ex stole her towels man. both sets. she’s still mad about it. like, i said i’d fight him. i can’t fight. look at me. i’m too soft. (aggravated sigh) ugh. (looks at the door) the exit is like, right there. she wouldn’t even see me leave…
elliot: (frowns) man, you are drunk…sort yourself out and get back out there. just finish up the date. you’re in too deep now. you spend too long in here she’s gonna think you taking a dump.
carson: he’s right, you don’t want your date thinking about that right now. kills the mood.
elliot: (sarcastically) pfft the man who fucks women in parking lots is suddenly worried about ambience?
carson: (smiles) buddy, you wish you could fuck girls in parking lots.
elliot: (scoffs) no i fuck my girlfriend in my bed like a normal person.
carson: (laughs) what girlfriend…?
elliot: (deep exhale) i walked into that one…
russ: ok if you’re two are done, (turns to carson) can you go out there and assess the situation? i’m gonna go back out there and finish this date.
carson: (smiles) your father and i are so proud of you, ruffles.
carson pushes past elliot and leaves the bathroom
russ: (mutters) sign up for simdr. meet a great girl. wear some nice clothes, have a great time….god, i hate you both.
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